Post #85
Victim Roles
Believe me, folks I have just as little desire to deal with this as you do.
A victim role often takes root early in childhood, when we didn't get what we wanted. Childhood is the time when we felt truly comfortable only when we managed to get our own way.
This childish pattern is then carried over into adulthood a pattern that is constantly fed by the media and thus kept alive.
Consequently, it is all too easy to provide a trigger something the "child" cannot cope with that causes them to get angry.
How can such a victim role be recognized?
Unfortunately, victim roles do not tell the person involved that they are trapped in one.
They merely react to their environment, which serves to trigger their role. Added to this are ingrained childish patterns such as the "inner child" demanding to feel comfortable, just as Mom used to ensure back in the day.
That time when everything seemed to find its apparent equilibrium. But, as we all know, that simply isn't possible in reality.
What do children do when they no longer receive that sense of equilibrium from Mom? They turn their attention to their surroundings and start acting out. I, too, was trapped in such a victim role for many years. In fact, throughout my entire life, there were things that bothered and preoccupied me.
Quite a few victim roles existed that had to be overcome. Everything was on the table from extreme fits of rage to suicidal thoughts.
The fucked-up thing about these roles is that they aren't recognized *as* roles. They become an integral part of life so deeply ingrained that one cannot imagine life without them. They are the things we hold closest to our hearts. In an instant, they can catapult us into a state of rage that we ourselves cannot comprehend. They cause heat to rise within us and force us into a defensive stance. At that point, neither logic nor even the cleverest arguments can make any headway.
The person retreats completely into their childish world and simply sulks. That is the point where nothing else works. From there, it is entirely up to the individual to determine how quickly they can decipher the problem. At that point, reflecting on the problem often becomes impossible. That is when people step in to help pull you out of it for instance, through therapy.
In my case, a systemic group constellation proved particularly helpful. Through this process, the traumas responsible for my various victim roles were resolved.
Naturally, this transformation didn't happen overnight; however, as time went on, I noticed more and more improvements in my life. The clearest indicator of this change has been my mother. For many years, I have been looking after her mental well-being or, more accurately, providing ongoing therapeutic support for her psychological illness.
She had lost her sense of how the world worked—yet she still knew exactly how to provoke a reaction from me. For a long time, I tried to explain the world to her by adopting a seemingly rational, objective approach. But I failed to realize that I was actually incapable of stepping out of my own victim role a role in which I felt the need to control and know everything. Once those clouds of victimhood finally lifted, I began to understand my mother more deeply.
The triggers which she had previously and so often unconsciously dredged up from her childhood now simply bounced off me; and in turn, she began to evolve as well. She no longer allows herself to get stressed or rattled unlike, for instance, her friends or relatives.
She stands alongside me fully awakened and is free from fears and problems.
All of this is possible simply because those childhood patterns have been left behind, allowing us to communicate on equal terms. When we stop placing ourselves above others, we can truly begin to communicate once again.
It is worth the effort.
Just take a look inside yourselves and try to uncover them.
They emerge within the subtle dynamics of our interactions with one another.
Believe me, folks I have just as little desire to deal with this as you do.
A victim role often takes root early in childhood, when we didn't get what we wanted. Childhood is the time when we felt truly comfortable only when we managed to get our own way.
This childish pattern is then carried over into adulthood a pattern that is constantly fed by the media and thus kept alive.
Consequently, it is all too easy to provide a trigger something the "child" cannot cope with that causes them to get angry.
How can such a victim role be recognized?
Unfortunately, victim roles do not tell the person involved that they are trapped in one.
They merely react to their environment, which serves to trigger their role. Added to this are ingrained childish patterns such as the "inner child" demanding to feel comfortable, just as Mom used to ensure back in the day.
That time when everything seemed to find its apparent equilibrium. But, as we all know, that simply isn't possible in reality.
What do children do when they no longer receive that sense of equilibrium from Mom? They turn their attention to their surroundings and start acting out. I, too, was trapped in such a victim role for many years. In fact, throughout my entire life, there were things that bothered and preoccupied me.
Quite a few victim roles existed that had to be overcome. Everything was on the table from extreme fits of rage to suicidal thoughts.
The fucked-up thing about these roles is that they aren't recognized *as* roles. They become an integral part of life so deeply ingrained that one cannot imagine life without them. They are the things we hold closest to our hearts. In an instant, they can catapult us into a state of rage that we ourselves cannot comprehend. They cause heat to rise within us and force us into a defensive stance. At that point, neither logic nor even the cleverest arguments can make any headway.
The person retreats completely into their childish world and simply sulks. That is the point where nothing else works. From there, it is entirely up to the individual to determine how quickly they can decipher the problem. At that point, reflecting on the problem often becomes impossible. That is when people step in to help pull you out of it for instance, through therapy.
In my case, a systemic group constellation proved particularly helpful. Through this process, the traumas responsible for my various victim roles were resolved.
Naturally, this transformation didn't happen overnight; however, as time went on, I noticed more and more improvements in my life. The clearest indicator of this change has been my mother. For many years, I have been looking after her mental well-being or, more accurately, providing ongoing therapeutic support for her psychological illness.
She had lost her sense of how the world worked—yet she still knew exactly how to provoke a reaction from me. For a long time, I tried to explain the world to her by adopting a seemingly rational, objective approach. But I failed to realize that I was actually incapable of stepping out of my own victim role a role in which I felt the need to control and know everything. Once those clouds of victimhood finally lifted, I began to understand my mother more deeply.
The triggers which she had previously and so often unconsciously dredged up from her childhood now simply bounced off me; and in turn, she began to evolve as well. She no longer allows herself to get stressed or rattled unlike, for instance, her friends or relatives.
She stands alongside me fully awakened and is free from fears and problems.
All of this is possible simply because those childhood patterns have been left behind, allowing us to communicate on equal terms. When we stop placing ourselves above others, we can truly begin to communicate once again.
It is worth the effort.
Just take a look inside yourselves and try to uncover them.
They emerge within the subtle dynamics of our interactions with one another.
